You Are More

My identity and worth are two things I’ve always struggled with. I’ve struggled with these things for so long because I look for them in the wrong places.

I am a Christian, so I know where my identity and worth comes from, but a friend of mine once reminded me that knowing something and believing something are two completely separate things.

to know something - be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information.

belief - accept (something) as true; feel sure of the truth of.

I can know something and still choose to believe something else.

For me, I’ve always faltered to find my identity/worth in friendships, relationships, grades, people’s opinions, etc.

This friendship falling apart is MY fault.

If they don’t like me, there is something wrong with ME.

If they don’t like this short story...

if they don’t like this poem...

If no one reads this blog...

I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

That’s what I tell myself; that’s what I believe, but that isn’t the truth. I know my worth, but what I’ve been learning is that knowing something means nothing if you don’t believe it.

Spring of last year one of my best friends at college was graduating. This friend was the FIRST friend I made at college. The first person who invited me to church. The first person to show me what a Godly friendship looks like.

She was the person I went to church with every Sunday morning. She was the person I did homework with at coffee shops on the weekends. She was the person I would be drinking hot chocolate with at 12 a.m. She was the first person I called when I had panic attack. She was the person with all of the great advice.

When the semester came to a close it wasn’t, “I’m so sad you’re leaving.”

My words were, “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

That was unfortunately so true. I met this friend at a time when I needed her the most. She’s seen me in some of my happiest and darkest moments, but it was truly her graduating and moving off to grad school that made me a better person.

It made me realize how unhealthy and unrealistic it is to what I call, “cling on to another person.” Unfortunately, she isn’t the only person I’ve done that too. So to all of you, (you know who you are) I’m sorry.

People are human they can’t give you something only the God who created the earth can.

People are not meant to fill your cup, they can’t.

About a month ago, one of my friends texted in a our group chat and asked each of us to send a phrase or word God has been teaching us lately.

I do not remember what I told her, and I honestly forgot about this conversation until I received something in the mail the other day.

She hand painted a letter from God to me on a canvas based on what I told her God had been teaching me.

One of the sentences said this:

“Your worth is not defined by what others may think or say. You are worthy to me, and that is all that matters.”

The canvas is in my room with a bunch of other pictures. It caught my eye the other day and that sentence was the one that jumped out.

You may be wondering, “Lauren, why is there a picture of you and your friends if you’re trying to NOT find your identity in them?”

Touché

I chose to use a picture of me and some of my friends BECAUSE even though our identity is not found in each other, what people say or think; it’s really important to find a core group of friends to who will be honest with you, encourage you, cheer you on, and you should do the same for them.

Let me stop you because before you find your friends and while you have them

YOU NEED TO BE IN YOUR BIBLE

Like I said before, people cannot sustain you. Happiness doesn’t last forever, but joy is eternal.

The only place you can find joy?

JESUS

Now, I hope someone can relate to this.

I hope this reminds you that the only person who can define what’s good or bad, what’s right and wrong in your life is God.

I know it’s hard.

You should care about other people’s opinions, but don’t let them define you.

You should care for, and love your friends in the way Jesus does, but don’t let your relationships define you.

You should share your life, spiritual gifts, and talents with the world, but don’t let the likes, the comments, the retweets or the views define you.

Let God define you because the truth of your identity is rooted in Jesus Christ.

You are MORE